May 2, 2007

DEMANDS and MORE DEMANDS

The saga continues......

As I was working on the plans for my Beltane Festival (more to come on that in the near future), and also working through the details of the upcoming Tournament for Life, I suddenly found myself face-to-face with the Baron and Baroness of Bardhaven. They apparently found a way to use radiowaves to send their images and voices into the homes and businesses of Caledon. I was somewhat alarmed that this signal came through on my newest intelligence device as well. Who leaked the secure frequency to them? There are obviously still some renegades to ferret out - even among my own MI 5 staff.

The list of demands from these villains is found below:

Our just demands are as follows …

First of all, ONE MILLLIOONNNNN LINDEN

Kirawill Collingwood clears her throat slightly and leans close to the Baron’s ear. She briefly whispers to him.

Zealot Benmergui: Correction…

ONE BBBILLLLIIOOONNN LINDEN

Kirawill Collingwood nods firmly.

Zealot Benmergui: Good…going on.

Second, signing of title to the area formerly called Neualtenberg to Gov Desmond Shang to be renamed Caledon Neualtenberg. All steps will be taken by the former Neualtenbergers to expedite immediate Caledonian colonization.

Thirdly, that the Kaiserin and all her pointy helmeted nobles apologize publicly for the brutal murder and sadistic devouring of young Clive Benmergui, followed by a choreographed mass scourging with knotted cords and much lamenting and debasement.

And finally…

Kirawill Collingwood clears her throat slightly and leans close to the Baron’s ear. She briefly whispers to him.

Zealot Benmergui: Ummm…before finally, we also demand a bread pudding, fresh…and two forks sporks. And a nice Zinfandel, chilled.

Kirawill Collingwood smiles prettily and nods.

Zealot Benmergui: And NOW finally…a yearly ceremony in which all Neualtenberg citizens apologize again formally, in person, while wearing pointy hats for all the nuisances they have caused. The throwing of produce and rotting offal will be assumed.

The clock is ticking; Miss Bancroft is depending on her people. I anticipate their prompt reply…or very soon Miss Bancroft may no longer WISH to return.

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

That is all.



Having received information that the Tanglewood Gun Bunnies are now called into action to protect the threats against our own Desmond Shang, it seems even more important that the process for freeing Cousin Kendra move forward rapidly. Perhaps the usual channels and precautions must be thrown aside for it is not only the Kaiserin and Neualtenberg at stake, but also Desmond and Caledon. Do I need to forego the professional, intelligence and diplomatic processes and resources? Likely.

The following is being sent to Baron and Baroness Bardhaven via several methods:

Understanding that you have not yet heard from Neualtenberg regarding your demands, I would like to discuss a counter-offer to you demands.
I see no issue with meeting some of the items listed. We can certainly provide you with a fine bread pudding as I am rather handy in the kitchen. As for the sporks, I will be willing to part with two of the sporks of war in my collection, which look quite lovely in my curio cabinet. My wine cellar is fairly extensive, and I do love a good red, so the Zinfandel is also easily obtained. But really...do you want it chilled? Please. Reds are best served just below room temperature.

The apologies from Kendra and her people will be more difficult, but my diplomatic skills are not without merit. We should be able to achieve this goal in some format.

The One Billion Lindens - ah - not sure anyone is willing to pay....I mean, I am not sure that anyone has resources to match your demands. However, (long dramatic pause) I believe that I may be able to provide something that would be of interest to you as an alternative, and am willing to discuss this post-haste.

You may contact me by what method you will, and I will make every effort to meet directly with you to discuss my thoughts. We should be able to determine whether these are acceptable measures to secure the Kaiserin's release before any further harm should be done to her.

Eva Bellambi, Duchess Loch Avie
Head - MI 5

3 comments:

Telemachus said...

Duchess,

clearly I have been missing some grand role play! But a chilled Zin....these are barbarians :)

A thank you note for the Wonderful Ceremony last night is on its way to you know, by the fastest carriage I could find.

In Your Service,

Sir Telemachus

Amber_Palowakski said...

The scoundrels! The rascals! Never comprimise with terrorists, Lady Eva!

Kira said...

We will be in touch....

Lord and Lady Bardhaven