Jul 24, 2011

In Which Things Become Quite Vulgar



Personal Journal Entry
24 July

Since it had been an exceedingly long week dealing with complex problems associated with several of my senior staff members’ cases at MI-6 , I was happy to once again be in my private chambers at home.  It had been more than a week since I had been at home. The cases required me to travel a good bit.  Cairine kindly directed the staff to manage my luggage and then helped me out of my expedition travel gear and into a very hot bath.  As I slipped into the water she poured a small amount of my favorite sandlewood bath oil into the tub then placed a table and lamp nearby so that I might read some of the week’s post while I soaked.

I was happy to discover some lovely invitations to summer balls and garden parties in the stack.  What a pleasure also to find correspondence from several friends travelling abroad.  I was, however, shocked out of my steamy, relaxed, and happy mood when I picked up the next envelope which contained the seal of Barken Roff, a former ambassador from Vulgaria. Roff! the very blaggard who nearly five years ago had done his best to shock all in attendance at the ball celebrating the opening of my manse on Loch Avie with his vulgar language and poor behavior.  He had only been invited as he was newly in his diplomatic position in Caledon. How much I regret that decision.  It was shortly after that night that he began to claim that Loch Avie was “stolen from Vulgaria” and that the bones, which my knight, Adso Krogstad, was excavating in the lower portion of Loch Avie, would be revealed as ancient Vulgarians.  The nerve of the man!

I broke the seal to the letter.


15 July
Bomhaus
Prydon, Vulgaria

To Her Grace, Eva Bellambi,
Duchess of Loch Avie, Lady of Skye, Head of MI-6, Last Pretender to the Lands of Vulgaria,

Your Grace, this will be the last cordial correspondence you shall have from me or any other Vulgarian. The humiliation at the hands of the Bellambis and Frasers has been more than can be born. It has taken us some time to develop the technology required, but we have done it.  We have developed the ability to travel to a particular area and then travel great distances through time.  

We are coming, Your Grace.  We are coming in great numbers.  We are coming to claim the lands you have left in Caledon, and we are coming to take the Isle of Skye.  Our Vulgarian historians tell us that your family, as far back as Sìleas and Gawter, have wronged us over the years. We claim Skye and all that is currently yours.

We are coming.  We are going to torture you slowly in ways women can never survive, kill your kinsmen and clan, and destroy your lands. We will then travel back to your middle ages and we will slaughter Sìleas and Gawter.* Your family will end.  You will never exist.


Barken Roff
Lord High Chancellor, Vulgaria

Cairine gasped loudly upon her return to find me (unknowingly) standing in the tub holding the letter down at my side.  I was red-faced, frowning, and stark naked.  Her noise roused me enough to spring me into action.  

“Cairine.  Assist me out of this tub and I’ll dry myself.  Then I need you to set the emergency signals in motion.  Agent Barns should be in the MI-6 signal station, just give him the word.  I need to gather the clan and my knights.  Then I shall need to be properly dressed so that at first light I may make emergency calls upon Miss Serra, Admiral Beaumont, Desmond Shang, and several others.”

As Cairine walked rapidly down the stairs from the master suite I called after her, “Sir Tele, Somme, and O’Toole are going to be bloody hard to find.  Make sure Barns sends his messages accordingly.  Those lot have gone far afield - some in semi-retirement - but they must know their Cheiftainess has need of them and they must come!”

Cairine shouted back an acknowledgement and then I heard the door to the intel room open and close.

“...or she may never even be known to them.”

To be continued


*(Historical notes on Sìleas and Gawter may be found in these posts : Dream State, Time and Space Fold, & A Love Letter from Gawter to Sìleas)

1 comments:

Darien Mason said...

Vulgaria! I knew it was just a matter of time before they started causing trouble again!